Black Coffee Blues

Two weekends ago, the wife and I were forging our way through the thronging masses at the local Costco.  A man walking in front of me had on a black shirt with quite the remarkable and elaborate design on it.  As I bumped a few more Asian people out of the way (because really, this Costco must have super secret deals for them as the ratio of Asian to Cracka is 5,000:1), I was able to make it within seeing distance (all of 5 feet because yes, I am already blind as a bat...did I mention that I am also hard of hearing?) of this man’s shirt.  Here is what I saw:

Now, being that I love my espresso in the mornings (in addition to free lunches, free vending machines and free pop, we also get full use of the espresso machine at work, too), I saw this shirt and about sharted.  Yes, I was pulled in by the gimmick, but I dearly love a cup of coffee that purports to be able to raise the dead.  Well, not having too fine of a view, I had to bump a few more people out of the way (think human bumper cars).  Unfortunately, getting the cart wheel stuck in some ladie’s hair proved to be a tricky predicament and the guy had wandered off before I could find out if indeed this was a real coffee.  Upon freeing the cart wheel, I did a quick cart run (you know, when you put one foot on the back rail and push off and go careening down through the frozen section saying, “HEEEEEEY YOOOOOOOOOU GUUUUUUUUUUUUYS!!!!") down the aisles and, just as I was getting out of the frozen section, damn near ran the guy over.  Long story short, I was finally able to see the front of the shirt that told me the following:

www.ravensbrew.com

With that, I pulled off the clump of hair that was clogging the front left wheel and we checked out.  As soon as we got home (and unpacked all of our purchases from the mighty Costco), I popped open my laptop and went to the site.  PRAISE DOG!!! It was a real site that sold real coffee.  In fact, they even used to sell that poop berry coffee...you know...Kopi Luwack.  So, I peruse there selections, drooling with the anticipation of break-neck stong coffee, finally finding the blend that was printed on the gentleman’s shirt: Dead Man’s Reach.  Given, with names like “Resurrection Blend”, “Three Peckered Goat” and “Wicked Wolf”, I certainly had a hard time deciding which to choose.  However, I went with the strongest that they had to provide and one that, again, purported to raise the dead.

Now, this company is already cool in my book for having cool coffees (and they have an establishment in Tumwater, WA (Tumwater kinda sucks, but it is in my home state so I have some pride there)), but they far surpassed my already booming opinion of them when they had the ground beans to me three days later.  Now, that might not be too interesting, but they will only roast when someone orders something.  So, they take the beans, roast them and ship them out so you can have them three days later...that just fucking rules.

At this point, I bet you are wondering, “But Sir Henry, what about the fucking coffee?”.  You asked, I shall abide.  The coffee was as brilliant as I had hoped it would be.  I took the 14oz bag with me to work and cut it open right before making an espresso.  The smell of the coffee is enough to make you cream your pants.  The finished product, however, is utterly amazing.  It was actually a bit on the creamy side, something of which I haven’t ever really encountered with coffee before.  In addition, whatever sleep I still had in the corners of my eyes was shot out like crusty bullets when I took the first sip.  If you love stong coffee like I do, then you will absolutely want to have an affair with this coffee.  Now, should I have had two espressos that morning?  The shaking of the body told me that one was probably enough.  Keep that in mind when you are still in smitten mode and want to spend all your time with the coffee.